The Dip

In which I whine.

I'm definitely in the dip of study abroad. At school during orientation, they explain all the different phases people go through and I must say, for me the honeymoon phase lasted a really long time. I was enamored with this city and with being here that I let my daily annoyances slide, even though it was socially a rough time. But now that I've returned from the fantasy land of weather, mountains and politics that is Rio and returned to an increasingly frozen Buenos Aires, and realizing the clock ticking on my time here, I'm getting more frustrated. I still don't know what I want from my time here, but I think it was to blend in and have a real life. In those terms, mission accomplished. I know what buses to take where, I go to school and work and to meet friends and people never try to talk to me in English. On the other hand, I don't speak nearly enough spanish, I haven't seen enough places, and I haven't gotten involved in community politics like I meant to. I guess it's a bitter pill to swallow to realize that you are the same all over the world. Your personality might change in small and superficial ways, but  on the whole you are who you are whether you are in New York or Minnesota or Argentina or India or  Bali (although I'd love to test out if this is true, particularly in India. Or Bali. Just saying). And I am learning that I am really not an outgoing person and that small victories are big ones for me. I have sent many emails to many organizations but this is Argentina, and I have received no replies. It took me two weeks and three emails to secure my volunteer job, for crying out loud. There is always more to be done, but at some point what more can you do?
Additionally, it's harder than I thought to live in a such a large and anonymous city. Of course this is the same at home but home is home and this is a foreign country. The city seems impermeable to me sometimes, with too much going on and no way to get the information, not enough time to become a regular anywhere (I have a list of cafe's I want to go to - almost all closed on sundays) and so many people rushing about their daily lives. I really have been doing the best I can, going to events ranging from festivals to markets to lectures- but it's crazy to think about all the things happening all the time. And Time Out Buenos Aires still pops up articles from 2010.

I don't think Buenos Aires is a winter city. I hate winter, so I don't think anywhere is truly a GOOD place to be in the winter, but New York is definitely a winter city. Paris too, probably. I don't know where else. Other cities are spring cities or summer cities. I think Buenos Aires is one of those. New York is amazing in the winter cause of the holidays and the lights, but here it's just dark and cold and windy and depressing.

This week is decidedly better than last - which was just one thing on top of the other on top of the next on top of the other of bad things happening, but it ended really great with Mohamed volunteering to help me salvage mine and Bailey's earthly belongings from the Selby House (THANK YOU!) even in the midst of putting on his own damn show! If you're in MN, go see Bi'dah!, going to a weird underground house party in Palermo with Gonza on friday night, and eating a falafel sandwhich on sunday. This week I'm determined to do things - like go to a lecture from this conference my professor is hosting on cities and going to see something from ArteBA. Also, Cayla is coming June 8 and I just signed up for two days trips with JStreetU in Israel for when I am there over the summer, and today I confirmed hours with one of my internships and started talking about part time possibilities with the other (I really, really want to make it work). My anthro class is finally moving into more modern case studies and I've decided to skip service learning because I simply cannot do it this week (last week when class ended, the kid next to me literally gave me a congratulatory high five. the struggle is wayyy tooo reallll). Also, I've been talking a lot with frannds from home, mainly David and Dan which is making me really excited for both my day in NY and summer in TLAV. It's all about perspective when your trying to pull yourself out of something, and at the end of the day I'm still in Argentine, far down below the border, where I have wanted to be for so so long. Even though things about this city drive me absolutely OUT OF MY MIND, isn't that the point?